I still have many years to reach old-age, but I'm always in awe of the elderly. Their slow graceful walk, glowing face, confident look, warm smile, toothless grin, compassionate approach, intelligent speech, genuine concern, calm demeanor, sincere advice and above all, their heartfelt utterances of prayer (du'a) for yourself, your family and community which always warms the soul. In Islam, you have special categories of people who need extra recognition like the truthful scholars, the just rulers, and our innocent children, but the elderly who navigated the waves of life, those who experienced everything life has to offer, those who have realized the true purpose of life to be the hereafter - Ah, these are a special category of people who need to be seated on thrones, treated well and really honoured.
In my opinion, the most foolish of people are the elderly who have not turned their focus to the hereafter, but continuously strive to increase their worldly empire notwithstanding their ill health, and even maybe after having buried some of their children and grandchildren with their own hands. Such elderly people are spiritually barren who have lost their way – rather avoid their company. "Shall I not tell you who is the best of you? The best of you is the one who lives the longest life, if he is righteous and does good deeds," said our most Noble Prophet Muhammad (may peace and blessings be upon him).
The following Prophetic Tradition concerning old age really makes one envious of the elderly, especially at a time when we are losing so many youngsters to wars, sickness, accidents, and calamities. God, Almighty, Says in a Hadith Qudsi: "When My servant reaches the age of 40, I relieve him of 3 calamities: madness, elephantiasis and leprosy. When he reaches the age of 50, I subject him to an easy reckoning. When he reaches the age of 60, I endear to him his return (to Me). When he is 70, I make him dear to the Angels. When he is 80, I write his good deeds and cast away his evil deeds. When he is 90, the Angels say: he is God's prisoner on earth; his earlier and later sins are forgiven and his intercession is accepted. When he reaches the age of senility, God records for him (his good deeds) equal (in value) to what he did when he was in sound health. If he does anything bad, it is not written." (Musnad Ahmad, vol.2 pg. 89)
In another Tradition, our most Noble Prophet Muhammad (may peace and blessings be upon him) said: "Do not pluck out grey hair. If any believer grows a grey hair in Islam, he will have light on the Day of Resurrection."
Notwithstanding all these virtues, the elderly are seen to be increasingly vulnerable to abuse and exploitation in a world marked with materialism, coldness and cruelty – sometimes from their very own children and family. Many an elderly person have been left robbed of their life's earnings by their own family, left to hop from house to house like a beggar without any respect and dignity. Agreed, some parents were harsh to their children and did not cultivate a strong bond between their children and themselves earlier, but this is no excuse not to do your duty towards them in their advanced years and give them a chance at mending the cracks in their family. At this stage, they have very few needs and you surely need them more than they need you.
I've seen many an elderly person needlessly suffer when the pain could have been avoided had certain steps been put in place beforehand. As wise as our elderly are, they sometimes misread certain situations which leads to needless suffering. As unqualified as I am to advise on these issues, please do lend me an attentive ear:
Health:
One of the biggest issues facing the elderly is health issues. These range from Cancer, High Blood Pressure, Diabetes, Heart Issues to Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT) and Pneumonia. Aging causes bones to shrink and muscle to lose strength and flexibility, thus seniors are more susceptible to losing their balance, bruising and fracturing a bone. Two common diseases that contribute to frailty are osteoporosis and osteoarthritis. Then you have sensory issues like Dementia, the most common form of which is Alzheimer's. Many lose their sensory perceptions like the ability to see and hear properly, and some may even become dependent upon others when they lose their ability to move and function properly. Some may even be forced to wear adult diapers or walk around with a catheter.
Nothing is more painful on the elderly than to be dependent on others for their daily simple tasks like walking, driving or even visiting the lavatory. When this reality hits, even the younger ones come to the realization that all of the above mentioned diseases are mostly lifestyle diseases which could've been avoided in your younger days if you just took the time to care for yourself. Remember prevention is always better than cure. Don't drown yourself in the pressures of work to such a degree that your body gives way under pressure. Doctors and medication don't cure you, they only manage your illness. Many pills have side-effects which cause disease to progress and become worse day by day. In time, you become nothing but a grumpy pill-popping creature whose life savings find their way in the pockets of doctors, huge pharmaceutical companies and hospital coffers.
Don't be a victim of the above. Adopt and maintain healthy habits as per the Prophetic teachings (Tibb al-Nabawi). Avoid cigarette smoking, exercise regularly, maintain a comfortable weight, do hijaamah (cupping) regularly, and avoid falls, head injuries, and medications that have side-effects, unless absolutely necessary, for a short duration of time. For the healthy, age is just a number with no visible impact on one's health, besides the normal ageing process like sagging skin and dentures.
Loneliness:
The second largest challenge is loneliness. The children have left the nest, and many a time, one may lose his/her life partner, contemporary friends, or close relatives. The elderly cannot be expected to play and interact with their grand-children or great grand-children daily. They need same-age companionship too. You may have an army of people around you, but none with whom you can connect to or have light moments with. This causes loneliness and some may even consider remarrying for the sake of companionship or health reasons. Whilst remarrying may overcome a few problems, it also throws up many other issues that the elderly should be aware of. These include a new set of in-laws (that's a handful!), additional children dynamics, security of the spouse which can really complicate matters, and acceptance of the family.
However, it is at this stage that you should be concentrated on your spiritual life more than your physical existence. Many don't have the privilege of hitting 60! Don't think life has a shelf life – life is to be lived at optimum right up to the end. So keep yourself stimulated and occupied. Don't just sit in the house. Travel widely, join a welfare or a social organization and explore new friends and horizons. Enjoy hobbies and interests with passion. Become a true family figure. Strengthen family relationships, resolve inter-generational conflicts with justice and ingenuity and engage in adult educational activities to challenge your mind. Set a good moral and spiritual example to your family so that you leave behind a legacy to be proud of. Also, never skip a Salaat (prayer), give generously, and keep the family together at all costs.
Retirement:
This is the biggest mistake of many elderly people. Yes, you could wind down a bit, but never retire from active life. You will die a depressed person within a few months, not knowing how to stave off boredom. A believer only rests in the grave. Some companies may force a person to retire at 60 or 65, but this does not mean an end to an active lifestyle. You could find a part-time job, fire up that hobby, or start a small home industry that you were dreaming about. Never wake up in the morning not knowing what to do for the day.
It is important to note that at this stage, you should be long out of debt, and no longer interested in accumulating wealth. You should, however, have a plan in maintaining an adequate income, or a living arrangement that provides adequate and support. You should also be interested in preserving what assets are left and passing them on to the next generation by means of a proper Islamic will. Make sure your legal documents for the final years and preparations for the end-of-life such as death, funerals and burials are in place. In addition,, don't have unnecessary belongings, live frugally, make ample provision for recurring reward (thawaab-e-jaariyah) long after you are gone, and ask forgiveness from anyone you may have wronged, cheated, slandered, or belittled.
Financial Planning
Work to maintain dignity and good health in your old age. In order not to be a burden to anyone, be smart with your financial planning. Carefully manage your investments and assets, and don't depend on your children for your remaining lives. You could help your children financially in their lives, but never to a degree that would cripple yourself. Our children are not our financial investments to reap the benefits in our old age. Rather, they are a trust to us by the Almighty to nurture and educate, and then set them free to the universe. We depend on the Almighty for our ultimate support, and the children may be or may not be part of it in our old age. Indeed, blessed are those children who seize the opportunity of serving their parents in their old-age, and blessed are those parents who give them the privilege to do so.
This article is dedicated to Goolam bhai TarMohammed (Nut Factory). May the Almighty grant you and all the elderly in our community a long, healthy life, and death upon Imaan (faith) – Ameen.
By Maulana Khalid Dhorat
